Quality Family Time - October 2018 Edition - Week 2

So last week, I subjected the girls to Battle Royale and while one was not impressed (Karen), the other (Lil) just hated it.  I really only had three films that I really insisted that Lil watch with me and that was one of them.  I figured this week, I'd ask her to watch one that I actually thought she'd like.  That's why we sat down on Saturday night and fired up Dario Argento's 1977 classic, Suspiria!

For those who don't know, Suspiria is about a young American woman who is invited to attend a very exclusive dance academy in Europe.  Once there though, she begins to realize something is not quite right about the place and as her fellow dancers begin to wind up missing and/or dead, she digs in further to see just what is going on.

My daughter is a dancer.  Actually, that's not correct.  My daughter is a dance fiend and she and her mother will pick apart every tiny movement in any dance that's done on film.  When it comes to ballet, she's a dance snob.  So last year when we watched Black Swan, I was pretty amazed that overall, she didn't have much of a problem with the dancing in the film.  I mean, there were times when she commented on something but it never pulled her out of the narrative.  In fact, she actually really liked the film.

With Suspiria though, this was not the case.  Things started out promising with Karen declaring after the first fifteen minutes that she didn't know how it could get any weirder.  Then, things devolved from there.  I thought they'd like the color, pacing, crazy plot, etc. but I underestimated something that reared its head almost immediately.  My wife has a thing about hair.

I know this is confusing, so let's go back in time about twelve years and let me tell you the story.  At the time, I was a staff writer for a site called DVDinmypants.  It was a pretty fantastic place with great people and a very open editing staff who was up for almost anything.  At one point, I pitched the idea of rewatching some of the old exploitation films of the 1970's and 80's with my wife.  We'd pick them apart and she could bag on my horrible taste in films as a teenager. Somewhere around film number three, I started noticing that Karen's first impression of any character in any film was based entirely on their hairstyle.  It just pulled her right out of the story, no matter what.

So, in Suspiria, when the dancers first show up in especially low-cut leotards and everyone has 70's hair, Karen was the first one to say something about it.  Then she noticed none of them had their hair in buns.  That became a pain point for Lil and I got to witness the transition as a mother passes her weird obsession to her daughter. 
  

As for the dancing, neither was really enamored with it, but Lil was the most harsh.  For those of you without teenagers, it's hard for me to communicate just how insanely sarcastic one can be.  Below are a few comments I overheard.  Please read the following in a tone that sounds like an audible eye-roll.

"This seems to be complete chaos. Nobody's in sync. Everyone just do whatever you want." 

"Oh wow.  Another dead ballerina."

"Does anyone in this film know how to correctly hold their arms when doing a pirouette?"   

And then... there was Karen.

Her:  I thought you said this was about ballet.

Me:  No, I said it was set in a ballet school.  It's a horror film.

Her:  It's pretty horrible ballet.

And when it was all over, I asked what they thought of it overall. 

Karen:  I thought it sucked.

Me:  What?

Karen:  It's so slow and the dancing is terrible.  

Lil:  I thought it was okay.  I didn't think it was horrible.  The dancing was horrible but the movie itself was okay.

Heathens!  I tell you I live with heathens!

If you've never seen Argento's Suspiria, you should.  As you can tell by the handful of stills here, it's beautifully shot and is a great story.  The soundtrack by Goblin is one of the few things that Karen and Lil liked about it.  They recognized how effective it was at ratcheting up tension throughout the entire run time.  

Check it out and then get ready for the remake which hits theaters later this month.  It's getting great reviews and I'm super excited about it.

Winners and Losers for Week 2!

Winners (Everyone Agrees)

The Giant Behemoth (a giant radioactive dinosaur invades London!)

The Black Scorpion  (a bunch of giant scorpions invade Mexico City!)



Winners (Cary Only)

Suspiria  (an American dancer invades a European dance school!)

Terrifier  (one of the creepiest killer clowns in ages invades your nighmares!)


Losers 

None this week!

Quality Family Time - October 2018 Edition - Week 1

Well, another October is upon us.  For those of you who've followed the blog for a while, you know that in our house that can only mean one thing.  It's time for two months of horror movies!

Why two months?  

Because we found we couldn't get our favorites in, plus new films, without starting in September!

This year we've already been through quite a few.  There was one though, one special one that I've been saving, that I was looking forward to more than all the others.  A movie that I've had on my short list for two years, knowing that my wife and daughter would get sucked in and simultaneously hate it.  

That movie is Battle Royale (2000).

Battle Royale tells the story of a ninth grade class who are beyond saving.  It seems kids just don't respect their elders the way they used to, so society passed the BR Act.  As kids make their way through the school levels, the worst and most disrespectful get sorted to a very special class.  At the end of their ninth grade year, this class is drugged and sent to an uninhabited island in the Sea of Japan.  There, they are each given food, water, a map, and one weapon.  They're also fitted with fashionable shock collars that will explode if they break any of the rules.  Over the next three days, they must hunt each other or die themselves.  The only remaining survivor will be allowed off the island.

Now, why would I be looking forward to showing this as opposed to any other horror film?  It's simple actually.  As you've probably guessed from reading the blog, they're pretty obsessed with Japanese pop culture.  Anyone whose seen Battle Royale knows that rule number one is not to get attached to any of the characters.  By definition of the rules, you only have a 1 in 42 chance of picking the winner.  Remember how they hated Train to Busan because so many people die?  This is like that one on steroids!

So two nights ago, we fired up a double feature of Cabin in the Woods (Lil and Karen's pick) and Battle Royale.  First I was surprised how well these two movies go together.  On the surface, they definitely have the same "bones" as far as their respective stories.  Without spoiling Cabin in the Woods for the handful of people reading this that haven't seen it, let's just say that the circumstances surrounding the protagonists have eerily similar set ups.

That said, all of my anticipation did not have the payoff I'd hoped for.  Mostly, there was mild complaining.

Karen:  This movie has absolutely no plot whatsoever!

Karen:  I do like the guy who shouts everything.  I'm going to start doing that.  Just yelling out what I want everyone to do.

For the most part, Lil stayed quiet.  When it was all said and done, I asked what they thought.  Karen's complaint stayed the same.  No plot until the last 20 minutes or so and then you understand just who you should be rooting for.  

I looked to Lil for something, anything that would tell me that deep down, she really did like it but didn't want to admit it.  Instead, she just stared back and then said everything I needed to know.

Lil:  I REALLY did hate that.

Yes!  And she'll be asking to see it again in few years.

Of the ones we've seen so far, here are the winners and losers.

Winners (as voted on by everyone)
Monster on the Campus
The Thing From Another World
It Came From Beneath The Sea
Momsy, Nonny, Sonny and Girly (Thanks to Mike and Lynn and The Annual 24-Hour Film Fest for introducing me to this one.)
The Grudge  (American version)
The Cabin in the Woods
Dracula (1931)
Slither
Rosemary's Baby  (Based on the conversation alone, I'd say this has been Karen's favorite so far this year.)
Dr. Terror's House of Horrors
Piranha 3-D
Cat People
Attack of the Crab Monsters


Winners (Cary only)
The Masque of the Red Death
Battle Royale


Losers
The Woman Eater  (Too much talking.  Not enough woman eating.)

Gigantis: The Fire Monster  (This is a repackaging of Godzilla Raids Again that was marketed to American audiences.  The narration is laughable at first, then really annoying.  Stay away from this one and watch the subtitled Toho version)

Invasion of the Body Snatchers - The Final Halloween Horror Movie Post for 2017

Well, we were very ambitious in our viewing list this year, especially considering all the extracurricular activities we had going on in October.  We made it through them all though and with a little time to spare.

As mentioned in previous posts, we had a couple of films that stood out due to either my reactions or my family's (Train to Busan and Black Swan). We had a lot of movies that we'd either seen before or that were good but not good enough to provoke strong reactions either way.  One that we all unanimously thought was brilliant was Get Out.  If you haven't seen that, please seek it out.  I'm not going to go into it here because I don't want to spoil anything but it's up there with the best movies we watched.


After the whole Train to Busan debacle, getting the girls to sit down with me to watch a horror movie was a little more problematic.  I was being questioned on anything they'd never seen before.  God forbid it was something I hadn't seen before either.   If that was the case, my daughter would usually just head upstairs to her room until the credits rolled and my wife would go back to half-watching/half-crafting in the dining room.  The exception to this was any movie in black and white that was filmed prior to 1960.  All I had to do was say, "It's a 1950's movie about..." and they were both in.


On our list there were plenty of those films, but there was one in particular I knew they hadn't seen and knew would get them riled up again.  I'm talking about the sci-fi classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers from 1956.  Anyone who tells you that old black and white films just aren't scary has either never seen or has forgotten the first time they watched this movie.

 

Filmed at the height of the Cold War and playing on the fears that there were communists living undercover everywhere in America, Invasion of the Body Snatchers substitutes actual alien invaders for the Reds.  The trick is that they don't look like aliens.  They look like your friends and neighbors and they only barely act differently.  

At the time it was released it was extremely effective.  Even now, it wound up my wife and daughter enough that they couldn't sit still to watch it.  My wife declared that it was "just about at the max of my movie tension level".

I've seen the film easily a dozen times and I still get anxious watching as our hero encounters more and more of his fellow Santa Mira citizens who don't seem to be themselves.  If you're looking for just one more movie to send off Halloween with before you start watching endless holiday themed comedies, make it Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

The other films we watched in that last run up to Oct. 31 were:

Twins of Evil
The Creature From The Black Lagoon (in Anaglyph 3D!!!)
Tarantula (A family favorite)
The Fly (1986)
Get Out
The Wolf Man
10 Cloverfield Lane
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman
House of Frankenstein
The Incredible Shrinking Man
Trick r' Treat (our annual Halloween-season capper)

I hope you all had a great Halloween!

If you haven't already, check out my author page over at Amazon.  There you can pick up a copy of my new book The Wash, available as both an ebook and in actual, hold it in your hand, physical form!

It's perfect for cozying up by the fire on a fall day or just cozying up to the space heater in your apartment. 

Five Bands Vol. 3 - Halloween Music!!

It's been a long time since I did a music post and there's no better time to put together a "Five Bands" list than October.  There are a ton of great bands out there who choose to adopt horror imagery for their album covers, videos or general attire, but there are far less who actually make genuinely creepy music.  So don't get upset if you don't see your favorites like Oingo Boingo, Rob Zombie, Alice Cooper or The Cramps on here.  We're going to go a little off the beaten path to see what we can find.

1.  Midnight Syndicate 

I found out about these guys in the best possible place you could: Count Orlok's Nightmare Gallery in Salem, MA!  As we wandered among the wax figures from some of our favorite horror films, my wife and I kept commenting on how cool the music was.  Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer and asked one of the attendants.  This is the music you want playing on the front porch as the kids come up for candy.  It's creepy music written specifically to scare.  These guys have a number of albums out and almost every track is perfect to be played on Halloween night.  Definitely check them out!


2.  Dark Sanctuary

With a name like this, you probably expect a super heavy, Black Metal band.  You'd be so, so wrong.  This French band creates classically inspired songs about death, cemeteries and all things gothic.  In fact, think of them as goth opera.  The music is as cold and stark as winter snow on a marble headstone.  

Now the rough part about this band for many here in the States is that their songs are sung in French.  For my Canadian brethren, this may not pose a problem at all (Susan Tate, I'm looking at you).  For the rest of us, it's well worth your time to look up a translation or two if you want to get creeped out.  For instance, take the lyrics to the song "Reve Mortuaire" which translates to Mortuary Dream.

Sleep, sleep, little angel, and dream of Death
Sleep, sleep, little angel, tomorrow shall you be dead
Sleep, sleep, little angel, tomorrow shan't you live anymore
Sleep, sleep, little angel, tomorrow shall I be there
Sleep, sleep, little angel, sleep and dream of me.

See what I mean?  This stuff is Dark with a capital "D".


3.  The Pine Hill Haints

Okay, enough with this classical/electronic music stuff.  We want some roots based Halloween music!  Well, look no further than The Pine Hill Haints.  This band hails from Alabama and describes what they do as "Alabama ghost music".  Expect traditional instruments like mandolin, guitar, washboard and even accordion on occasion.  My favorite though is when the "singing saw" comes out.  Their lyrics run the gamut from ghostly trains to wanting to be a "Jack O'Fire" as in the clip above.  This band gets played on my iPod year round.


4.  Dr. John

So you don't want something as classy as the first two but you don't want traditional roots music either?  It's time for an American icon: Dr. John.  There may be no cooler man alive than Dr. John.  A New Orleans jazz giant if ever there was one, Dr. John's voodoo/rootwork imagery goes beyond just the way he carries himself.  If you listen to the lyrics of the song above (Walk on Gilded Splinters), you'll hear him referencing all kinds of folk magic terms as he sings about putting the hex on his enemies and wonders aloud, "Did I murder?"  His album Gris-Gris is a marvelous concoction of blues, jazz and voodoo imagery.  I highly, highly recommend this!


5.  The Cramps

So I lied. Of course The Cramps are going to be on this list.  I'm not sure there's another band out there who captures the fun, the goofy and the dangerous side of Halloween better than The Cramps. Above is a link to a live version of "TV Set".  It's an uplifting song about how lead singer, Lux Interior, is going to cut you up and use your body parts as accessories for different appliances around his house.  It's actually a very funny song despite the grotesque imagery.  Unfortunately, Lux died during a show in 2009.  His wife, Poison Ivy (the red-haired guitarist seen on the right of the stage), rightfully decided that the band could not go on without him.  

Even though The Cramps are no more, you can still access the entire concert above right at this link.  If you decide to search further though, just be aware that you may come across Lux wearing fishnets, heels and electrical tape while performing.  Pushing boundaries was one of the guiding forces behind this band, but that's for another music post at another time.

For now, that's it for this Five Bands post.  Let me know what your favorite "Halloween" bands are!

P.S.  After writing this post, the first album I put on was Dr. John's Gris-Gris.  Just sayin'!

Don't forget you can pick up my novel The Wash either as an ebook for Kindle or one of those old timey paper versions exclusively at Amazon!