One thing about going back and looking at old horror movies is that every now and then, you get bad information. For instance, this was recommended via a website article on obscure horror movies. It was a listicle of 10 or 15 films they recommended you see. This is not a horror film. This is a sci-fi film. That said, we still watched it and were pleasantly surprised at some of it.
The premise is interesting. Aliens abduct people from different countries and give them each a special device that has three radioactive weapons in capsule form. Only the abductees can open the case, but once the case is open, anyone could set off the weapons. To use the weapon, you simply speak the latitude and longitude and press the button. Then all human life (only human life) within 1,000 miles of that location will disappear.
Why would aliens do this? Well their planet is dying but they are a peaceful bunch. They won't invade but if humans can't overcome their warlike nature and happen to blow each other up, then the aliens can move right in. Great plan, right? Here's the next catch. If everyone can hold out for 27 days then the weapons become unusable.
All the abductees are sent back and then the aliens do something completely unexpected. They make an announcement to everyone on Earth about what they've done and name the people who have the weapons. This sends all the governments of the world scrambling to find the people and gain access to the devices.
Now, that does sound like a decent (if overly complicated) plot. It's not actually that bad either. It's just slow at times. The ending is quite a surprise and ends up being a great example of Hollywood playing up the Cold War in these films. Here's what the girls thought. The 27th Day Scoresheet Was it ever night time? -1 Did it focus on any other day? - 1 Was there Tuna Rarebit? 0 Were there aliens? +1 Bonus - did the aliens speak English? +1 Was there atomic stuff? + 2 Was there an educational short? 0 Were there fancy hats? 0 Did anyone slide over from the passenger seat to the driver seat of the car? 0 Was there a housewife? 0 Was there a threat of the world ending? +1 Were there more than three people who smoked? +1 Was it set in the arctic, a desert or swamp? Was there a decent plot that progressed? +1 Total - 5 The 27th Day can be found on YouTube. Here's the link!
So this week's movie was a total mystery. I don't even remember how I found out about this one but here we were about to fire it up on a Sunday night and Karen and Lil were trying to get an idea of what their criteria for the list would be. We looked at all the clues we could pull from the title and the poster art, then came up with something we figured would yield some results.
For instance, if you're watching any horror or sci-fi movie from the 1950's then you can probably bank on there being some talk about atomic radiation. Also, it's a general rule of thumb that in every big bug movie someone will put on an educational short film to explain what's happening (a favorite of Karen's and why it exists on every list she makes for these). So after some debate, we hit play and settled in to one of the worst but funny movies I've seen in a while. I'm not sure I can recommend it. At the same time, I kind of want to see it again.
So there's this town on the California coast where sailors/fishermen are being killed by something. Our hero looks like a walking ad for hair oil and nicotine. He happens to be a doctor who's published papers on the effects of atomic radiation on marine life. He's here to see a local scientist who may also be doing experiments on this topic. Let's just say that there is intrigue and red communists everywhere in this flick... Well, sort of. I mean, there are some kind of shadowy agents who we can assume are communists and there's a lot of double crossing and spying happening which should be intriguing but is really just slow.
There is a "Phantom" of sorts. It's a mutated something or other that looks like that lizard guy from Star Trek only with bigger teeth and a ridge on his head. He's guarding a uranium deposit that everyone's trying to find the location of. Those that do, even by accident, get killed by the creature pretty quickly.
So, how did the girls do in their guessing and scoring? The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues Scoresheet! Was there a Phantom? +1 Was there an Opera? 0 Were there submarines? -1 Was there atomic stuff? +2 Was there an educational short? -2 Were there commies? 0 Was there military might on display? 0 Were there octopus or squid? 0 Was there a "man meeting"? 0 Was anyone sea sick? 0 Was there a scene where a character mansplained to a female? 0 Was there a decent plot? 0.5 Total: 0.5 Yeah, it's pretty bad. Not quite funny/bad enough for me to recommend to anyone, but I'll probably catch it again at some point. You can find the complete film on YouTube if you're interested. Here's the link!
Next week, we'll be checking out a sci-fi film with a great premise. See you then!
There are plenty of cheaply made horror movies out there that I haven't seen. With the boom in the genre that happened in the 1940's and 50's, bottom of the barrel companies came out of the woodwork to cash in on the craze.
The Alligator People (1959) can easily be considered one of those. That said, there are a few actors out there who I strive to find anything they've done. Lon Chaney Jr. happens to be one of those. I knew that this film came late in his career and that he wasn't in the best shape both as a human being and an actor. At this stage in his career, Chaney reportedly was almost impossible to work with after lunch due to an epic alcohol issue.
Still, he's great in most of these types of films so it had to go on this list. I knew to expect a crappy plot, cheesy effects and questionable acting. I was not disappointed on most levels. That said, Chaney's worth watching and the plot is a lot of fun even if it is horrible.
Basically, this movie comes off as a southern gothic tragedy except with alligator people.
The story begins with a woman going under hypnosis to recover a lost memory. The story that unfolds includes her disappearing fiance, an old plantation in Louisiana, experiments with atomic isotopes and yes... Alligator/human hybrids that are hilarious!
Don't take my word for it though. Karen and Lil also loved this one. They decided to keep separate lists this time but hey, the results speak for themselves!
The Alligator People Rubric
Lil's
Are there alligators? +5
Are there people? +5
Are there actually alligator people? +100
Lil's total: 110
Karen's
Were there educational shorts? 1
Were there atomic references? 2
Was there a lady science assitant? 1
Were there fancy hats? 0
Was there a decent plot? 2
Was there nonrepetitive music? 1
Was there a tiny pony? 0
Was there a love interest? 2
Was there an expert in a weird science field? 1
Was there an expedition? 0
Karen's Total: 10
For those of you who haven't been following this arbitrary rating system, those are two HUGE scores!
Another great thing about this movie is the overall lesson it tries to teach. That lesson is simply to repress anything unpleasant. Seriously.
Great 1950's thinking!
Anyway, The Alligator People is a fun time if you're into this sort of thing. At the very least, you'll have a good time watching the actors (yes, the actual actors) running near, over and practically on top of live alligators. It's not as exciting as watching Roar!, but it's still pretty funny. You can stream The Alligator People in its entirety (and 100% free) on YouTube.
This week we’re looking at another film that I’d seen stills from in countless film guides and monster magazines. Doctor X stars Lionel Atwill (a man who was a monster in his own way in real life). I had no idea what to expect here and therefore neither did the girls. However we were pleasantly surprised, at least for the first half.
Doctor X plays out like a whodunnit. There is a serial murderer on the loose who kills during the full moon. The police have deduced that the killer must be one of the doctors in a nearby institute because the killings seem to be in close proximity. They approach Doctor Xavier (Doctor X) about it and threaten to open an investigation. Instead, he convinces them to let him conduct his own experiment to find the killer.
A couple of cool things to note about this one. If you see a color print like we did, then you’re looking at one of the earliest examples of Technicolor. Color prints were distributed to big markets while black and white prints went to smaller cities due to the cost of reproduction. In fact, the color version was thought to be lost after 1948, when Technicolor got rid of all their old reels of this early process. Thirty years later, a print was found in the private collection of Jack L. Warner and the DVD we watched was a transfer from that print.
Also, this is what is called a Pre-Code film, meaning that you’ll see some “morally questionable” material. In this case, cannibalism, murder and even a brothel. Finally, you also get Fay Wray (King Kong) playing Doctor X’s daughter and to be honest, she’s always fun to watch.
The bad thing about the film is just that it goes on a little too long with no killing. It’s a lot of investigation and some light-hearted comedy here and there with only two glimpses of the killer before the climax. To be perfectly honest, there was a point in the middle of the film where I forgot there was even a killer still on the loose! Still it’s a fun movie and if you’re a fan of mad scientist laboratories, this one has the most amazing one I’ve ever seen.
So what did the girls’ think?
The Old Movie Rubric - Doctor X (1932) 1. It has a doctor: +1 2. It has a valid plot: +1 3. It has acceptable acting: +1 4. It has an educational short: -2 5. Daytime for nighttime filming: 0 6. Sexist jokes: 0 7. Helpless female: +1 8. Female science assistant: 0 9. Fancy hat (two additional points if a millenary is in the film): +0.5 10. Dry erase pens that don’t run out of ink while scoring the film: -1 11. Someone gets into the passenger side of the car and slides over to the driver’s side: 0 12. Ridiculous laboratory: +3 13. Maniacal laugh: +1 14. Live animals used as props: 0 Total Score: 5.5
So yeah, a middling score. When I asked why, they agreed with me that it's just a little too long.
However, they both loved the first half and were very, very impressed by the size of the laboratory. Seriously, watch it just for that. I know size isn’t supposed to matter but…
This week’s film came with a warning up front. You see, the very first image on the screen was this logo:
For those who watch old sci-fi and horror films, American International Pictures (AIP) means one thing. Cheap. Founded by Samuel Z. Arkoff and James Nicholson, AIP specialized in low-budget movies aimed at grabbing the teen audiences who were suddenly spending money at drive-in’s and theaters. Generally, if you see the AIP logo, you know you won’t be watching the best that cinema has to offer.
This movie was definitely a bottom of the barrel experience. If I had to describe it in a sentence, I’d say it is a low-rent version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. A young couple finds what looks like a nose cone from a rocket sticking out of the ground. Scientists converge on it to figure out what it is but no matter what they try, they can’t break into it.
While they’re looking for answers as to what it is and where it came from, people start succumbing to these small fluke-like parasites that attach to the back of your neck and make you do their bidding. Their goal is to take over the world and “spread peace” by making everyone have a hive mind.
See? It’s just like Invasion of the Body Snatchers only there’s slugs instead of plant pods.
The problem here isn’t just the story though. The acting is horrible. The direction is poor. The soundtrack is crappy. Even the dialogue is awful. Unfortunately, it’s not so bad it’s good.
However, at one point a “scientist” says that if you cut a snake in two, the pieces will slither off their separate ways. I laughed out loud at that one.
What did the girls’ think?
The Old Movie Rubric - The Brain Eaters (1958) 1.Brains were involved: -0.5 2. Brains were eaten: -0.5 3. There is an expert in an obscure scientific field: +1 4. It has a legitimate plot: +0.5 5. It has an educational short: +1 6. It has decent acting: 0 7. It has sexist jokes: 0 8. It uses animals as props: 0 9. It uses daytime for nighttime filming: 0 10. There are very proper hats: +0.5 11. There is a female scientist: +0.5 (she was an assistant) 12. There is repeat footage: 0 13. There is a cutesy couple: 0 (they weren’t cutesy) 14. BONUS: someone refers to the scientists as “You science boys”: +1 Total Score: 3.5
That’s officially the lowest score of any film since we started keeping track.
Stay away from this one unless you’re a masochist. Next week, we'll check out an old one starring Lionel Atwill. Hope you're prepared for... Doctor X!
We are seven films into a list of movies that I have somehow managed to miss over my 50 years on this planet. We've seen some okay ones and some terrible ones, but I have to tell you that nothing prepared me for the absolute awesomeness of this one.
I Drink Your Blood (1971) is exploitation horror at its finest. We'll get to that in a moment. First, I have to tell you that Lilith sat this one out. To be perfectly frank, I know she's not a fan of gore so Karen and I watched it while she was out of the house. That said, the first scene alone was almost enough for us to wait for her to get back. There is nothing I'd love to hear more than a 16-year-old making snarky comments about a bunch of naked hippy devil worshipers reciting dialogue so pretentious that suppressing giggles was nigh impossible.
That said, I took the responsible adult route and Karen and I soldiered on alone.
So, what makes this movie so good? Let me count the ways!
The story involves a bunch of Satan worshipers who descend on a small town. First, they brutalize a local teen girl. When her grandfather goes to get revenge, they beat him up and force feed him acid. Now, here's where you expect some Billy Jack character to come in and kick ass, right?
Wrong! Instead, a twelve-year-old boy, the grandson of the man who got dosed, decides to take revenge. He kills a rabid dog and then extracts blood from the animal and puts it in the Satan worshipers' food.
They, of course, go insane and start killing each other and anyone else they come across. Body parts are lopped off, blood flies everywhere, organs fall out of wounds... it's just awesome! Soon the sickness begins to spread beyond the devil cult and into the people of the surrounding area.
Why is this "exploitation"? Well, this movie rode into theaters as the Manson murder trial had captured American imaginations. Nothing was scarier than hippies. Sure they'd smile to your face and talk about peace and love, but then they'd take those mind altering drugs and who knows what they'd do. Right? Seen through the eyes of the time, this movie is definitely frightening. Now, the acting isn't the best. I'd say everyone is trying hard but only about half of them are really pulling it off. Lucky for us, those who do pull their acting weight include most of the devil worshipers, the boy, his grandfather and his sister. Acting aside, there's one huge thing I have to complain about.
The soundtrack. It is almost entirely made up of obnoxious, irritating noises. Karen described it as taking a recording of a battery operated toy ray gun, looping that on itself and cranking it higher and higher depending on the amount of tension they were trying to portray.
It's pretty wretched. Still, it's not worth skipping this one over. You could do a lot worse than spending an hour and a half watching a bunch of rabid hippies lay waste to a small town.
I highly recommend this one and consider it the first movie of this whole experiment that is a clear-cut winner! It's gross and low budget, but still... a winner. You can actually find the entire movie for free on YouTube:
Next week, we'll delve into something a bit more classy... not a lot more though. We have an image to keep around here.
For those of you who don’t know me personally or are newcomers to the blog, this will be the first time you’re hearing about the mysterious thing called Fest. For those who have heard of it, bear with me while I recap some things. Approximately 28 years ago, a group of friends in Boston got together on a cold winter day to watch some movies. It wasn’t just any get together though. Two members of the group, Mike Carvalho and Lynn Mason were (and are) movie hounds. They love seeking out the old, the strange, the foreign and sometimes the forgotten when it comes to cinema and they curated a list of films to show that would stretch an entire 24 hours.
I’m not sure of the size of the first crowd but I have heard at least five people say they were there. By all accounts it was interesting, but didn’t go exactly the way they wanted it to go. In fact, that would have been the only time they held it if not for Lynn bugging the absolute shit out of Mike two years later saying that they HAD to try it again. This time they made some rule changes. The starting time was moved to early evening on Friday. They scheduled breaks a little better and figured out ideal running times for the movies they showed.
That was the beginning of the yearly tradition that is the 24 Hour Film Fest. I’ve had the pleasure of attending nine of them and when I say pleasure, that’s not me being sarcastic. I absolutely love “Fest”.
Last weekend, I attended number Fest 27. It was one of (if not the) best I’ve attended. This year’s line up included an early talkie, an Indian horror/fantasy film, a Japanese zombie film/comedy that was one of the most creative things I’ve ever seen and nine more that I would recommend to almost anyone. Since we tend to talk about movies on this blog a bit, I thought I’d run down some of my favorites from this year’s lineup. You could do a lot worse than to seek these out!
First up, the crowd favorite, was the Japanese produced One Cut For The Dead. This one is going to be a bit hard to find due to a screwup by Amazon who illegally listed it as a streaming title for a short period before pulling it down. This brought up massive piracy issues and a true authorized U.S. release is not currently in the works. However, you can find a UK release and it’s well worth getting. The premise is a director is tasked with shooting a livestream zombie film in one take. I don’t want to explain things further because half the fun of this film is seeing exactly what they’ve done. Let’s just say that the zombie parts are scary and the comedy parts are laugh out loud funny.
Another favorite of mine was the 1930 production of Moby Dick starring John Barrymore. Now, if you are an author or just a well read lover of the classics, I feel you need to see this one. The writers and director had no intention of making a true adaptation of Moby Dick. Instead, they made a love story where Captain Ahab is a loveable drunk who falls in love with a woman in port and does his best to clean up and woo her. Sure, there’s a white whale (well, a black whale with a white patch on its back). There’s also Ahab himself and Queequeg. Other than that though, there’s not another reference from the source material that I could spot. It’s well made for the time, but just hilarious to watch for the way they butchered the novel. There isn't any YouTube link to this one. Sorry.
If you want to see a majestic, insanely cool fantasy story, then check out Tumbaad. This is streaming on Amazon Prime and tells the story of a cursed treasure in the heart of a castle in India and the young boy who figures out the secret of how to get it. The film then follows him through his life as he exploits the source of the treasure again and again with semi-disastrous consequences. It’s got old witches, demons, adventure and lots and lots of rain. I highly, highly recommend this one.
Speaking of witches and demons and foreign films, you should definitely check out Livid. It’s a beautifully creepy French film that tells the story of a young hospice nurse who is learning her new route. She finds that a wealthy old woman on her deathbed is on her route, she and her boyfriend decide to rip off the mansion. Obviously, things don’t go as planned. It’s a fantastic film and will be one of the first that I watch a second time.
The last one that I want to recommend was one I didn’t expect to love as much as I do. It’s a comedy from the 1980’s called Nice Girls Don’t Explode. It’s about a young girl who’s special fire starting powers seem to come forward only when she’s excited. This becomes a problem as she’s hit puberty and wants to start dating. There are some great laugh out loud moments throughout and it’s a shame this didn’t get a bigger following at the time.
The full lineup is below and to be honest, except for Rock and Roll Nightmare which is fun to watch with a crowd just so you can make fun of it, all of the rest I would recommend in a heartbeat.
Rock and Roll Nightmare
One Cut for the Dead
Moby Dick
Tumbaad
Deadly Eyes
Dark House
Tourist Trap
Would You Rather?
The Evil Within
Livide
Race With The Devil
Nice Girls Don't Explode
Fest is truly one of the highlights to my year and it’s because everyone who attends is just so damn fun to watch movies with. Thanks again to Mike and Lynn for putting this on every year and special thanks to Karen Mike’s longsuffering wife) for allowing this insanity to go on. She leaves for the weekend each year, but is sure to call us midway through to loudly call us all “idiots” via speaker phone.
Next week, we’ll get back to the Forgotten Gems columns on Thursdays and you can look forward to some book updates coming soon. I can promise you now, 2019 is going to be a fun, fun year!
