A Bit About Dreams and A Free Short Story

I want to talk about dreams for a little bit.  I'm not talking about aspirations, but actual dreams you have while sleeping.  I have a pretty active dream life, however most of it is pretty mundane.  I'll dream about work or being in some situation I'm not prepared for, just the same as anyone else. However there are three instances where my dreams have been so weird, they've stuck with me for years. 

The first was when I was fourteen years old.  I had a vivid dream of being chased through my house by a man with a shotgun.  That house was not big by any stretch of the imagination so it wasn't like I could run and hide very many places.  I remember I was trying to run from the hallway to the front door so I could get outside and the guy with the gun was hiding in the kitchen.  As I emerged from the mouth of the hallway into the living room, he swung around into the opening from the kitchen and shot me dead in the chest.  The next thing I remember is looking at my body laying dead on the floor and thinking to myself, "Well, I guess that's it then."

And I woke up. I'd always heard that if you died in your dream, then you'd die for real but it seems that was not the case. Thus one urban myth was completely debunked for me.

The second vivid dream memory is actually a series of dreams and they continue to this day.  I tend to have them about once or twice a year and I absolutely love them.  The weird thing is, they're a continuing narrative, but otherwise they're pretty mundane.  They all take place in a high end outdoor mall nestled in the mountains.  It seems to be in either Tennessee/North Carolina or in Oregon/Washington.  I'm there with my wife, daughter, brother, sister and their families.  There's a really cool putt-putt golf course that runs through the middle of the mall and in one "episode" there were go-karts racing as well.  The shops are all high fashion boutiques, nice restaurants, etc.  Since I'm with my family (who are some of my favorite people in the world), it feels fantastic!  I always wake up from those dreams missing my brother and sister quite a bit.  Then a few months or so later, I'll have another dream and it will pick up right at or near the point where the last one ended.  It's a pretty strange phenomenon but it's also very welcome.

Which brings me to the third dream.  This one was a rough one and it's the subject of the story you can download below.  This came to me in its entirety while asleep.  When I woke up, I felt absolutely devastated and immediately went to my computer and started typing.  Hopefully it captures the horror and emotion I felt that morning.  If not, then at least I hope it gives you a little bit of a creepy feeling.

Follow the link below to download it for free in the format of your choice.

HOWEVER, I ask one favor from you.  Once you've finished reading, please go back to Smashwords and leave a review.  Be honest.  If it worked for you, let me know.  If it didn't I want to know that also.  I look forward to your feedback.  

And without further delay, here you go.  Enjoy!


DOWNLOAD "A DEBT TO THE DEAD" BY CARY CHRISTOPHER

Watching Black Swan With My (almost) 15-Year-Old Ballerina

So those of you who know us, know that October and Halloween hold a special place in our household.  We start watching horror movies in September as we countdown to Oct. 31, mostly because we have too many we want to see and not enough free nights to watch them.   

One movie in particular has been on the waiting list for a few years because of its content.  That movie is Black Swan.

Spoiler Alert:  Don't go further if you've never seen it.

For those that don't know, my daughter is a ballerina.  She's been dancing for more than a decade and she's about to turn 15 in a month.  After a few discussions with those that had seen it, my wife and I decided that she was old enough and so last Saturday we settled down and fired up the television.

Put simply, Black Swan is about a ballerina who is so intent on being perfect that she's losing her mind.  Along the way, we're subjected to watching her deal with jealous rivals, an overbearing director, brutally graphic injuries and we watch her display some weird tendencies and nervous tics before we start to question just what the hell is happening to this woman.

As my family sat down to watch this, I thought I knew what we were getting into but I figured my wife and daughter probably did not.  I mean, I hadn't seen the movie yet, but I'd heard a few spoilers.  I knew it would have some graphic violence and gore.  I also knew that my wife and daughter love "creepy" horror movies but aren't as into the insanely bloody stuff.   

Imagine my surprise as I became the one cringing and my daughter became the jaded expert.  Some examples:

Scene - Our main character splits a toenail while dancing and graphically deals with the bleeding herself.

Me (squirming on the couch):  Ugh!  

My daughter (nonchalantly):  Yeah, that happens all the time.  Most of our feet look like they've been in a car crash.

Scene - Our main character steals some lipstick from the woman whose place she desperately hopes to take in the cast.

Me:  That's a little bit psycho.

My daughter (shrugging it off):  We had people stealing stuff for a while.  It seems to have stopped now though.

Scene - Our main character has a tendency to nervously scratch to the point of breaking the skin.

Me:  Yeah, I think she's losing it.

My daughter:  Not necessarily.  I've seen people do that. Or play with their hair incessantly.  Stuff like that.  It's just a nervous tic.

Scene - Our main character takes a piece of glass and stabs a rival.

My daughter:  Okay, I've never seen that happen.

Me:  Thank goodness! 

Anyway, the bottom line according to both my daughter and my wife is that except for the insanity and murder, Black Swan was the most accurate portrayal of a ballet company they'd ever seen.

I already knew my daughter was a hell of an athlete (the kid has a six-pack for crying out loud) but watching her not bat an eye during that toenail scene made me realize just how tough she is.

If you haven't seen Black Swan, watch at your own risk.  We all loved it, but we're kind of twisted that way.

Other movies we've watched in September.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)
Wolves (2014)
The Monster That Challenged The World (1957)
31: A Rob Zombie Film (2017)
Them! (1954)
The Mummy (1959 - Hammer)
Lifeforce (1985)
Southbound (2015)


Coming next week:  How about a free short story about vengeful Louisiana ghosts?  I'll see what I can do.

Coming in October - My New Book and Some Stories!!

In the last few years I've made half-hearted attempts to jumpstart this blog, but I never really got it off the ground.  When I look back at it, the bottom line was that I didn't really have much to say.  

After years of writing movie and music reviews, I took to heart the old saying that critics are just bitter/failed artists themselves.  I began branching out into fiction writing.  I applied to and was accepted by O.C. Fictionaires about three years ago.  They are a fantastic group of authors here in Orange County who have taught me a lot about the craft and now, now telling stories has become my passion.  

Which leads me to this blog.  I've got some exciting things coming up.  

1.  My first novel will be coming out in October.  It's a romance novel for those that think talking coyotes, drug smuggling, ancient resurrected demons and mass murder make a good romance.  Actually it's a horror novel but there's a love story in there somewhere.  It will be available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and all the usual online retailers in both ebook and physical formats.  Details to come.

2.  My short story "The Postmortem" is being published in an anthology also coming out in October.  It's titled Murder, Mystery and Mayhem: An Orange County Fictionaires' Anthology.  I'll post more details on that and also on the book launch and signing as it gets closer.

3.  Just to entice you to follow this blog, I'll be posting some links to other stories of mine that you can download for free from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. next month.  There will also be coupons for The Wash available only on this blog.


4.  Finally, if you know my family, you know we love October. This year, I'll be posting regularly about the horror movies the Christopher's are watching as we count down to October 31.  We've got quite a list that we've already begun to work through and I'll try to check in weekly with an update.

So please, check in regularly.  Invite your friends to check out and comment as well.  I'll do my best to post things to distract them from their day jobs.  

See you soon!

6/23/15

Retro!  Five Bands Vol. 2 - Artists who are Batshit Insane

(updated from the original published post on DVDinmypants.com)

Real rock and roll has always been the music of the rebellious. As such, it has attracted artists who live their lives creatively and literally on the edge. For every “down to Earth” rock star like Dave Grohl, there are easily four more who would rather refer to themselves as “The Artist” and who want pink toilet paper in the hotel bathroom, not because they can get away with asking for it but because they truly believe it is partially responsible for the proper flow of their creative juices.

Now making outlandish demands and telling people to lower their eyes when talking to you does not necessarily make you “batshit insane”. That’s a title that is actually kind of hard to come by. It’s what sets apart the eccentric artist from the dangerous, “don’t leave him alone with live animals” artist. When I saw someone is batshit insane, I don’t mean they refuse to put an album out because they have self-confidence issues (Axl Rose). I mean there’s a distinct possibility that if the soundcheck doesn’t go right, they could literally take a hostage.

I love batshit insane people who play music. I don’t like actually being in bands with them, mind you. They’re really annoying to deal with on that level, but watching them from the sidelines is never less than entertaining. You go to any concert featuring a band member who's thinking is cock-eyed and while you’ll probably hear a less than stellar performance, there’s always the chance of a pubic hair fire and ranting about grasshoppers. 

Here, take my own personal experience.  You may walk up to the front of the club a little early to find some guy curled up on the ground in front of the door, soaking in his own urine and asking you for a “cigarette to chew” (which he promptly did when given one). Then you may see him a couple of hours later front a killer band onstage and afterwards, he may walk up to your date and talk with her lucidly and eloquently for 10 solid minutes about plays by Ibsen all the while smelling like piss and alcohol.

The band was Smoke. The singer was Benjamin. I’m pretty sure he’s dead now, but damn if he wasn’t electrifying on stage.

What follows is a list of five artists who definitely qualify as “batshit insane”.  Some of them don't necessarily deserve celebration.  However you can't make a list like this and leave these people off.  You may not agree with my picks and if so, feel free to let me know who you think I missed.

1. Lee “Scratch” Perry

Really, there is absolutely no denying that this man leads the pack of the batshit insane. He’s a total and complete lunatic who also happens to be a production genius and a pioneer musically. Perry once burned his own legendary Black Ark studio to the ground because he thought it was possessed by Satan himself. Think about that. He found gasoline and matches and burned the invading spirits out of his studio. Still don’t think he qualifies? What about the time he stayed in the US with a prominent record producer, rounded up all the televisions in the house and proceeded to bury them in the back yard? How about the times he baptized people on the street outside his studio with a garden hose?

That, folks, is what I mean by “batshit insane”. Now, he’s 79 years old and in a much more stable frame of mind. He lives in Switzerland with his wife and children and is still actively writing and performing.

2. Mayhem 

 Yeah, pretty much the entire band belongs on this list. At least their original lineup does. Mayhem were really the first band to bring Norwegian Black Metal to a wide audience and part o the reason their reputation spread was because they were such complete lunatics. All the members were obsessed with being the most evil band on the planet. In true “evil” fashion they turned on one another. The first victim was lead singer, Dead, who decided this world was too much for him. He shot himself in the head and when guitarist Euronymous found him, he didn’t call the police. No, instead he took some pictures, picked up some pieces of Dead’s skull and ate a small piece of Dead’s brain. He brought the skull pieces back to the band’s drummer, Hellhammer (no,I’m not making these names up), who fashioned some jewelry out of them and wears them still. That’s not all though. Because of the brain eating thing, Euronymous got quite the reputation as a bad ass, so in a fit of jealousy (”I want to be most evil!”) bass player Count Grishnackh stabbed him over 20 times. In fact, Grishnackh later testified that he counted the 20 times on purpose because he wanted to out do another Black Metaller who was on trial for stabbing a complete stranger repeatedly.

All this and much more can be found in a great book called Lords of Chaos: The Bloody Rise of the Satanic Metal Underground by Michael Moynihan and Didrik Soderlind. As for their music, point your sights to De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas if you’re curious. Try not to kill anybody finding it.

3. Jaz Coleman 

This guy is one of my favorites. The lead singer/leader of Killing Joke, Jaz is one crazy son of a bitch. He’s one of these guys who is super smart, but is also subject to flights of weirdness and odd belief that will make your head spin. He moved to Iceland in the early 1980’s to await the end of the world. It didn’t come but he worked with the band that would eventually become the Sugarcubes so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. Still, moving to another country to await the apocalypse wouldn’t seem so weird in itself, except that he was kind enough to leave us a full length album where he detailed his beliefs in black magic and why he thought the world would end soon. That was nice of him wasn’t it? It’s a Killing Joke album called The Courtauld Talks. It was recorded after his return and it consist of one continuous track where Coleman talks about demonology, the imminent return of The Elder Gods and why he things H.P. Lovecraft wasn’t writing fiction but was channeling a voice from beyond. During his talk, he’s backed by Killing Joke, although the music mostly consists of soft guitar and percussion. There’s a really incredible part where he talks about how by using musical chords constructed from numerological studies, we can help drive back the demons we’re unintentionally awaking through war and violence. He demonstrates… ‘nuff said.

For the record, insanity aside Killing Joke has made some of the best post-punk records in the history of the genre and their resurgence in the 2000’s has them hitting a new high mark. If that’s your kind of music, check out their 2003 self-titled comeback album or the unstoppable 2010 album Absolute Dissent. Meanwhile, have no fear. Coleman still believes Cthulu is coming any minute and I’m sure he’s praying to be eaten first.

4. G.G. Allin

This guy was a given for this list. Did you know his actual given name was Jesus Christ? See… crazy runs in the family. Allin made a name for himself by shocking audiences and critics. His act was banned from many a town across this great land of ours and each time he played, the word got out to a few more people who suddenly craved an opportunity to see him. Allin would take the stage in a jockstrap and proceed to urinate on audience members during the set. He’d been known to defecate in his hand and throw it at the audience. He even tried (unsuccessfully) to have sex with a dead cat during a performance. He was a pen pal of John Wayne Gacy (the notorious serial killer). He did the talk show circuit and once told Sally Jesse Raphael that he was the father of the girl who was accompanying him and that they practiced incest. It was completely fabricated (Allin had one daughter who “distanced herself from the family” for obvious reasons). I saw this episode and watching the audience and hosts reactions were hilarious.

Needless to say, Allin was bent on shocking people. That much is obvious, but the fact that he lived exactly like he performed qualifies him for true “batshit insane” status. This was not an act. He really was one of the most disturbed and disgusting performers in the history of rock and roll. Allin died of a drug overdose and was buried in New Hampshire wearing a jockstrap that said “Eat Me”.

If you want to experience G.G. Allin, then don’t look to CDs. Get the documentary Hated and you’ll get a great look at what this guy was like. As for music, stick with the compilation Expose Yourself: The Singles Collection 1977-1991. 


5. Captain Beefheart

Now the great thing about Captain Beefheart is that he wasn’t violent crazy like many of the people mentioned above. No, he was old-fashioned, out-of-his-gourd, eccentric to the nth level crazy. Case in point, while rehearsing for his famous Trout Mask Replica album (of which I have a near mint condition vinyl copy… just sayin’…) he surrounded himself with an accomplished band and literally locked them into a house for eight months. During that time, no one was allowed to leave. Food was brought in weekly. Beefheart would try to communicate the songs he was hearing in his head via humming or piano. Here’s the batshit insane part. He couldn’t play piano and when the musicians couldn’t properly interpret his vision, he would explode in fits of rage.

He was very strict about his vision, to the point of being a tyrant. The results though were never less than interesting and many times they were pure genius. He also made it a point to confuse the press and public as much as possible, once telling Rolling Stone that he himself taught two of the musicians on Trout Mask Replica how to play their instruments “from scratch”. In fact, they were both more than fluent when he hired them.

Beefheart was a hands down musical genius, but it’s my opinion that the insanity fed the genius in this case. He died in 2010 at the age of 69.

There are loads more artists I could list, but most of them seem to get their “crazy” from drugs or alcohol. These five seem to come by theirs naturally, so that’s why they’re featured. If you think I should add one, hit me up on the comments.

6/18/15

FIVE BANDS - Vol. 1 - My Top 5 Favorite New Finds

Years ago, I wrote a column for a website called DVDinmypants.com.  It was called Five Bands and each post would feature five artists who fit some theme.  It was one of my favorite things to write about so I'm resurrecting it.   

When Mike sent my head spinning with that Bloodshot Records compilation, I came home and started digging deep into their catalog and for every artist I found on their label, I found two or sometimes three more connected to Bloodshot in some way but on another label. The result was a staggering amount of new (to me) artists that I’m still exploring.

For this inaugural Five Bands, let’s talk about the five artists who blew my mind more than any others over the last two years.

1. Lydia Loveless

More Like Them

Lydia Loveless does not sing modern country music. She does not sing traditional country music. She’s hard to define and that’s exactly why I love her. She has the voice of a seasoned country superstar packaged in the body of a punk rock loving teenager and the results are pure, unadulterated magic. That she writes her own material makes it even better. That she’ll cover a song like Elvis Costello’s “Alison” for her Record Store Day release ups the ante even more. Each new album has been five steps better than the last one but my personal favorite is Indestructible Machine.  I cannot wait to see where she ends up being in the pantheon of music in 20 years. Check out “More Like Them” to get a taste.  It's equal parts Neko Case and The Replacements, plus if you listen to the lyrics you’ll hear her examining her real life issue of social anxiety in a way that’s smart and even funny in places. 

2. Patty Griffin

Chief

Truth #2

This one is a much more traditional sound.  That voice of Lydia Loveless that I spoke about? Patty Griffin has it also but it’s packaged in the seasoned mind and body of an expert in her craft. She writes songs that tell stories in ways that I couldn’t tell if given 10,000 words. If you don’t believe me, just listen to “Chief” or “Making Pies” from the album 1000 Kisses. That it took me this long to discover her makes me sad, and the way I found her was so out of the ordinary it was pure luck. 

I’d heard a song by The Dixie Chicks called “Truth #2”. I went to look up the album it was from and found they didn’t write it. Who is this Patty Griffin person? So I go to look for the song on iTunes and it looks like she never recorded it. That’s odd because it’s an amazing song. I dig a little deeper and soon I find that this song is from a lost album she recorded for A&M and they shelved. So then I pull out the big freakin’ steam shovel and scoop down further to finally find a bootleg copy of the studio album. The rest is history and accounts for about sixty songs on my iPod. The good news is that album (Silver Bell) finally got an official release so you can find a much better mix on iTunes now. Check out “Truth #2” and tell me that chorus isn’t pure genius. Then check out any of her other fine albums. You won’t be disappointed. 

3. Findlay

Off & On

A freakin’ car commercial helped me discover this band. My family is an Olympics obsessed family. Every two years, we’re glued to the television and internet while the games are on and that means we can’t avoid the commercial. During the 2014 Winter Olympics, the song “Off & On” was played probably 5,000 times in a commercial for either BMW or Mercedes or something. That’s not important. I can’t endorse the car. What I can endorse is you finding their EP Off & On. It’s the only thing they’ve officially released so far and I love all four songs on it. The stop, slow, speed up, sprint pace of the title track is what sold me but there’s so much great stuff here. Also, for what it's worth this is the only band on this list that my daughter also endorses. 

4. Dave Alvin

Signal Hill

He was the guitar player in The Blasters and the writer of their biggest hit “Marie Marie”. That song has become iconic and has transcended musical styles and genres. He’s got a distinctive voice but what sets him apart in my mind is his songwriting. Like Patty Griffin he can tell a story musically that rivals the greatest novelists of all time. Plus his catalog goes all the way back to 1987 so there’s a ton here to explore. He wrote one of my favorite late-period X songs (”4th of July”) as well as one of my favorite Dwight Yoakam songs (”Long White Cadillac”). Check out “Signal Hill”, a bruiser of a song from the extended edition of the album Eleven Eleven.  It's about lost dreams and losers in a town my old band used to play regularly.

5. Bobby Bare Jr.

Let's Rock and Roll

And here’s the artist who sent me down that Bloodshot rabbit hole. The son of an iconic country artist, Bobby Bare Jr. defies description. His song “Let’s Rock and Roll” is equal parts nursery rhyme, noise fest and pop song. At the same time, it’s the most accurate portrayal of an unknown artist playing music on the road I’ve ever heard. His album Boo-Tay under the Bare Jr. moniker is alt-country awesome, while his solo albums defy labeling but are even better. Below is the video for the song that would not leave my head after watching that Bloodshot tribute. 

Thanks Mike and thank you also Bobby Bare Jr. Maybe someday I’ll be able to shake your hand and thank you in person.

Bigfoot: A dissertation on why I'm a 9-year-old in my head

Let's get a few things straight up front.

I don't believe in UFO Conspiracies. Roswell has a logical explanation (Project Mogul if you're interested). Besides, the government can't even run a war without screwing things up and leaking information everywhere. There's no way they could consistently cover up something as big as having UFOs in a hangar somewhere.

I don't believe in the Loch Ness Monster. That lake has been sonar scanned to death and it's just not possible for a dinosaur to live off the amount of food living in it. That Scots are seeing monsters in lakes does not surprise me one bit given the potency of their fine, fine whiskeys.

Fairies, elves, 50-foot snakes, honest politicians, the right of pre-emptive war, giant spiders, trolls, etc. are all completely ridiculous and there's no way in hell they exist.

However... I think Bigfoot is real. So is Mokele Mbembe if you're wondering.

Why do I think this?

Well because scientifically, they haven't been completely ruled out yet. That means that technically it's still possible that they exist and honestly, that's enough for me.

Now, that may not seem important to you, but to me it's more important than almost anything else! You see, one of the things that I'm personally conflicted over is reconciling my need to absorb as much information as possible with my desire to still live in a world where there is at least some sense of mystery.

So I believe Bigfoot is real because I want to believe it's real.

When I was a kid (in the 1970s for those keeping score) Bigfoot went nationwide as a phenomenon. Sightings were in the papers, books were written and were best sellers, people I knew in Florida swore to me that they'd seen similar things in the swamps when hunting. All of this sparked my imagination like nothing else. It didn't matter if everyone was lying or not. The fact was, I thought there was something out there that was new and undiscovered and it consumed me.

There's a lot of unspoiled wilderness still left out there. There are plenty
of places where people still say they've encountered something they can't explain and there are plenty of scientists who, while stating they don't actually believe Bigfoot exists, do concede that if it did exist, it would be able to survive in these areas.

The thought that something that big could remain undiscovered in the age of satellite imagery, laser beams and internet pornography really sparks my inner 9-year-old.

Which is exactly why I think it's imperative that a small group of us go looking for it.

Let me explain myself. There are all kinds of people out there who are looking to find this thing for all the wrong reasons. My favorite to read about can be found at www.bfro.net . Here's a link to a sighting just this past November that takes place mere miles from where I grew up. It's all very matter of fact, claims are properly investigated and the research is scientifically founded, but they rarely come up with anything beyond footprints and they only occasionally get those.

While I admire their dedication, there's no way I'd go out with them to look for one of these things. Mainly because they're way too serious and honestly, a little on the douchey side.

I want to reiterate that I'm not in this to bring back physical proof of bigfoot and make a name for myself. I just want to see one, hopefully while sober and then walk away. That's why I'm proposing a full on expedition by complete amateurs who only want to hike, camp and have fun... but just do it in an area where people have seen Bigfoot.

You see, I have a theory. After reading multiple accounts of sightings, I've come to the conclusion that if we act like we don't want to see one, apparently we'll be partying with them in no time. Once that happens, we can offer them a couple of drinks, maybe trade funny stories about scaring the shit out of campers and then they go their way and we can head back to civilization.

It's essentially a foolproof plan and as you can see, I've put a ton of thought into it.

There are a number of places we can go if we want to find some of these things, including northern California, Washington, Texas and Arkansas. There's even that kickass fish camp up in Canada that Monsterquest spent time at. That place is practically crawling with them but it's hard to get to.

I'm inclined to want to go somewhere here on the West Coast but that's because it's easier for me, but I'm open to suggestions.

What's important is that we go, we bring along what we need for a three or four day trip and we bring along whatever substances may be needed to help us find bigfoot.

If you're concerned about undertaking such an endeavour in these uncertain times, consider it a health trip. You will feel invigorated, refreshed and have a renewed sense of purpose once you've gone on such a quest. I speak from firsthand knowledge. Just read the post on the great white shark trip . I'm still getting occasional tingles thinking about that one... at least I hope that's what's making me tingle.

Either way, who's with me? Let's do this thing in 2009!

Writing a Book is a Weird Experience

I know, you are probably thinking it's boring and I'm sure that if someone put a camera on me and filmed the actual action of me writing a book, it would only barely rival Warhol's epic movie about a man sleeping.

But hey, it's what goes on inside that's weird. I've written stories before and I've worked on this book for over a year but up until recently, it's only been one day a week. In a massive gesture of faith and love for me, my wife suggested that I make a sprint to the finish of sorts and try to wrap this thing up by the New Year.

At least I think it was a massive gesture of faith and love... it could be that she just wanted the TV to herself to watch that John and Kate show. Either way though, I find myself well over 200 pages and 65,000 words into something that originally started out being nothing more than a five to ten page short story about a graveyard. I'm probably at the halfway point now and what's weird about this can be summed up in two sentences.

1. I'm living other people's lives in my head.

2. I've kind of enjoyed killing some of them.

Seriously. On both counts this is supremely weird for me, but it's true. I find myself creating backstories in my head that never make it to paper. They don't need to. They just need to help me better define the characters I'm writing about. I also find myself trying to relate to people I'm inherently not like. For instance an 80 year old single woman or a 28-year-old hispanic drug dealer. In ways, it's opened up a part of me that was formerly adverse to empathy.

But then, there's that second statement which is also very true. Killing some of these folks... even some of the innocent ones, has been incredibly fun. The more weird and wicked the better in most cases. The real carnage in the story is still to come and I'm wondering if I'll get to a point when I look in the mirror and ask myself, "Is it normal to think these things?"

I suspect I won't. There's a big part of me that is able to separate the real world from the world in my head where anything is possible. I just have a feeling that it's just going to be hard to convince folks who read this later that the grey matter in my skull is just like theirs.

In the end though, I don't guess it will matter much. They'll either like it or they won't but I'll have still written the book I wanted to write and that's all I care about.

Time to go write some more now. You enjoy avoiding work or whatever it is you're doing while you waste time reading this. I'm going to go knock off a convenience store clerk... in my head.